I literally crawled to my bed on the pullout couch and curled into the cushions without a sound. After he had grabbed my neck to force me to kiss him and I refused to participate, he finally stopped. I don’t understand why I didn’t make more noise, why I was so worried someone other than him would hear me, why I didn’t put up a fight, why I couldn’t speak up I had never felt so weak or so small. But I thought because he didn’t rape me, it wasn’t an assault. I was terrified he would continue and rape me. He had me pinned, groping and humping me through my clothes for some time. He didn’t rip my clothes off or threaten me-he just ignored me and my attempts to push him off and get away. I was alone in the room and pleaded with him to stop I literally begged him. While I was getting ready for bed, this man came in and forced himself on me. We were having a small get-together with friends and family my partner wasn’t there with me that night. He assaulted me in my best friend’s home one-and-a-half years after my partner and I started dating. I was sexually assaulted by someone I thought was my friend, someone I trusted and never in my wildest dreams thought would try to hurt me. This was a hard realization because I had always thought sexual assault was violent, and penetrative I hadn’t even realized what happened was an assault. Visit for more information.A few years ago, when the #MeToo movement began, I had the horrific epiphany that I was sexually assaulted. "Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie" is out now! Annie Lane's debut book - featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette - is available as a paperback and e-book. I'm printing your letter with the hope that it stirs some adult children to pick up the phone and call their parents. Another Mother in Painĭear Another Mother: I'm so sorry you're going through this. There is absolutely no excuse for this kind of behavior from a child. My parents are gone now, and I have no regrets about how I treated them. Anytime my dad or mom was in the hospital, I was there, unlike the young man in this letter. I was always close to my parents, even after getting married and having a family, calling and visiting frequently even though they lived far away. But does that give their children an excuse to abandon them as this young man apparently has and as my son has also done? Do parents make mistakes raising their children? Of course they do. When he was growing up, we were generous and loving parents.
We, like the mother in the letter, are grieving over this behavior. Our son has shown no interest in us for a long time unless he needs money. Anything short of that would be placing a Band-Aid on a deep puncture wound, and the marriage would never heal.ĭear Annie: I am a regular reader of your column but was frankly dismayed at your answer recently to someone whose adult brother was behaving heartlessly toward his mother. No more obfuscating the truth, changing the subject or destroying the evidence. Tell him that if you're ever going to move past this, you need complete candidness and vulnerability from him. And it was an affair - if not a physical one, then an emotional one. It seems he expects that as long as he apologizes and stops talking to this woman, everything should go back to the way it was before he decided to have an affair. Your husband can't simply reset your marriage as he did his phone. Lost in Loveĭear Lost in Love: I'm so sorry for the hurt you must be feeling. I need to figure out whether I should stay or go.
How can I believe that it wasn't sexual? I am trying to act as if we are OK, but inside I feel as if I am dying. How can I ever trust him again? I don't know whether I can, because he told me so many lies. Now he thinks we are fine and our marriage will go on, but I can't stop myself from thinking about what he may have done that I don't know about. He said it was not a sexual affair, but his actions just don't convince me it was just text messages. We started counseling, but he doesn't want to discuss the details of the text messages and did a factory reset on his phone so I can't see the messages. When I talked to him about this and all the lies he had told me, he said he had lost his way and he was sorry and didn't want to lose me. When I checked our cellphone details, I was completely devastated to find that it had been going on for almost a year and there were almost 2,000 text messages during the past six months. I asked him about it, and he said that it was nothing and that there were only a few messages. Dear Annie: I thought my husband and I had a great marriage – until I looked on his phone and found text messages to another woman.
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